Posted by: mrtweeds | October 24, 2008

goodbye peace, goodbye quiet…

okay, i can’t quite say that as it hasn’t been particularly peaceful or quiet around here for, let’s just say for the sake of arguement….4 years? give or take? but the inevitable has happened, making my life much more nerve wracking: bug has figured out that it is physically possible for him to get onto the furniture.

this is how it goes: first, be sure an adult knows that you’re about to something new and exciting (and that they probably don’t want you to do).

how could that face ever do anything dangerous?

once you’ve got their attention, the real work begins. and by “real work” i mean this:

face plant. it ain’t pretty, folks, and it sure ain’t easy, but it’s necessary.

moving on, things get slightly better.

now that you’re on your hands and knees, you just have to crawl forward and…

SWEET! you’ve made it into the chair! hmmm, pretty comfy. a man could get used to this…

but wait! just because you’ve gotten INTO the chair doesn’t mean your job is over. nosirreebob. because NOW you have to get DOWN, which, in all reality, is considerably harder than getting up.

to be sure you still have the physical stamina to complete this process, however, it is necessary to do a few simple exercises to be sure your muscles won’t give out at an inopportune time. so…

push ups! do at least one or two, but be careful not to tire yourself out because you’ve still got a ways to go, remember.

now that your continuing strength has been established, let’s continue on to the task at hand, shall we?  good. get yourself up into a crouching position and, careful to maintain your balance, head over to the edge of the ottoman.

good! now we’re almost there, so start to ease yourself ever so carefully over the edge…

good, careful now…and…

TA-DA! congratulations, you’ve successfully made it onto the chair and back! please repeat as often as humanly possible, jumping up and down on the chair, falling off, landing on your head, and doing as many other things that could give an adult parental type person as many heart attacks as possible.

thank you and good night.


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