Posted by: mrtweeds | March 23, 2009

mailbox: FAIL

or, the post in which the author becomes seriously concerned about the abilities of today’s youth.

i’ve grown up feeling fairly secure in the knowledge that when it came down to brass tacks, kids would do well when they were doing what they enjoyed. if they enjoy math, they’d work hard and be good at it. art, same thing. this rule also applies to mischief making.  if a kid truly enjoyed being a trouble maker, rabble rouser, punk, or wild child, then by god, they’d do it to the very best of their abilities. and generally i’ve been proven right.

but when we woke up to find our mailbox hanging off of its post last sunday morning, i began to doubt this conviction o’ mine. you see, we’d been mailboxed, but they did not finish the job.

now, if you don’t know what being “mailboxed” entails, you probably didn’t grow up in the country where the opportunities for your average vandal are rather limited. not a whole lot of dark alleys or subway cars to tag, i’m afraid, so they’ve been forced to come up with other ideas.

mailboxing is the (apparently exciting) activity of riding around in a car and smashing mailboxes with a baseball bat as you drive down the road. i’ve never done it, so i can’t swear to you that it is exciting, but it happens fairly frequently so i’m assuming there’s a reason.

but here’s the thing: our mailbox is so pathetic, i honestly don’t understand how whoever did this didn’t  smash it straight off the post.


in fact, as you can see, the only “damage” sustained is a mark on the side of it where they hit it. but this is especially sad since it’s basically held on by nothing more than, as far as we can see, one rusty nail and a pinch of magic.  at least, we think one of them is actually attached to both the post and mailbox, but we can’t prove anything.


as you can see, there are a lot of rusty nails here, but very few of them are even pretending to serve a purpose.

but how hard could it be to knock this thing clear off? HOW HARD, i ask you? i’m fairly sure i could do it by accidentally bumping into it. but instead of finally being forced to buy a new (and less embarrassing) mailbox, william simply bent it back onto the post and we were back in business.


this “connection”-and i do hesitate to even use that term as it sounds far too concrete for the reality of the situation- won when it went head to head with a baseball bat being swung from a moving car.

and so now instead of being embarrassed by our pathetic mailbox 6 days a week when i visit it, i am instead embarrassed for whatever bored kid failed to knock it into the field…or into the neighbor’s yard…or into next tuesday.

because really, if you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all.



  1. This is PATHETIC.

    The only thing positive thing I can take from this is that at least it didn’t happen in Easton (which would have been deeply, DEEPLY disheartening).

    Presumably young Middle Falls ruffians just don’t have what it takes to properly vandalize a mailbox. Possibly it’s an attention span problem. I don’t know.

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