Posted by: mrtweeds | October 13, 2009

a guide to pumpkin picking

obviously in this time of tutorials, handbooks, and illustrated instructions for everything from wiping your nose to installing a vcr (dating myself? probably), it’s been well established that it’s absolute imperative to have instructions available for absolutely anything.

and so i have taken it upon myself to offer up this very important guide to pumpkin picking.

step one: go somewhere that has lots of pumpkins, preferably ones that are for sale.


while a farm is ideal (to give that true autumnal feel), it is not totally necessary. pumpkins can also be purchased at home improvement stores, grocery stores, and even small stands at the side of the road.

step two: be sure to examine all pumpkins available in order to make an informed choice.

found one

do not worry if this step takes an inordinately long time. it’s an important step and not to be overlooked.

step three: avoid rotten or soft pumpkins, as they will not last throughout the halloween season.

perhaps this one

if possible, sit on pumpkins to test their strength. remember this simple rule of thumb: a weak pumpkin is an undesirable pumpkin.

step four: be aware of your surroundings.

what about these

this is particularly important if you are traveling with a boy child who will no doubt be drawn towards any sign of farm equipment. while wagon pumpkins may seem like the obvious choice in this situation, it is important to remember that they may be placed out of reach for a reason. this reason being they are not for sale, but simply there to taunt boy children who would love nothing more than to climb around on a wagon.

step five: picking the ideal pumpkin.


finally, after having successfully carried out the above steps, pick a pumpkin with a sturdy stem, good orange color, and lots of personality. exchange your local currency for said pumpkin and place into your vehicle for the ride home.

step six: don’t forget the boy child by the wagon.

i'll take the wagon

as tempting as the idea may be, most pumpkin sellers do not look kindly on failure to complete this step, although certain boy children may attempt to talk you out of it.

coming tomorrow: a guide to pumpkin carving!



  1. Pumpkins…hmmm not when there’s trucks for Bug.

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