moping: a tutorial

today i’m pleased to welcome our guest blogger, mssr bug. sure, he’s only a year and a half old, but he has already proven himself extremely skilled in the art of moping. i asked him to share his techniques with all of you today.

hi. when mama or somebody yells at you for something you didn’t do or didn’t know you shouldn’t do like pull a whole bunch of books off of a shelf you need to look sad right away.

even if she can’t see your face you can make sure she knows you’re sad because you can put your head down and look sad from the back, too. then she looks at you from the front you can look even sadder:

it’s important to make sure your chin is all the way down, that way your cheeks look even bigger and you look sadder:

then when you’re done sitting and looking sad i like to slowly walk away looking sad. then she knows i’m sad even though i’m walking away:

make sure if she’s doing something annoying like laughing at you  or taking pictures you ignore her, because if you don’t you can’t look as sad as you should. you should just keep walking until you get somewhere that’s away from her but where she can still see you looking sad:

then you should stop walking and ignore anything that might be around that makes it look like you did something wrong, like pulling a bunch of books off of a shelf. in this case it’d be good to pretend that you are a big salman rushdie fan. make sure you still look sad. i pretend all those toys under the couch aren’t my fault either.

then, even though she’s still taking pictures of you and you really want to look up and say “DEESE!” and look at yourself on her camera because that is fun, don’t. you should keep looking sad instead.

you have to really work hard. if you wrinkle your eyebrows to make it look like thinking about how you’re really sad, that works too:

aaaand stay looking sad…

and then…wait, what’s the next step? let me think…

o yeah!

say “DEESE!”

congratulations, you’re now officially way smarter than your mama (or whoever), and, if you followed my instructions carefully, your mama (or whoever) is now feeling really bad about yelling at you in the first place.

the end.